One of the things about life in rural South Korea that you can count on is mosquitoes.

Especially when your backyard bumps right up against the rice paddies.

It makes trying to enjoy our rarity of a backyard near impossible.

I had hoped AAFES would ship in those little pop-up gazebos…and they did – at Osan.

[shocker]

But they were just the gazebo…no mosquito netting.

So here’s a suggestion for the AAFES employee that orders our outdoor furniture & equipment.

I realize that you may never have been to South Korea, that you may not be aware of the massive red welts we Americans get from the mosquitoes here – or that you might not realize that they can pass along a wealth of obscure Southeast Asian diseases to us…but it would be really nice (for future families) to be able to get the mosquito netting to go along with the gazebos.

So thus began the online hunt for a cheap, but not too cheap…functional, but not too ugly…portable, but sturdy screen house that had enough head room for Eric to get in…and oh yeah, could get shipped to an APO box by Priority Mail.

I found it online at WalMart – on sale & along with a promo for free shipping…we got a pretty good deal.

But since there’s another solid month of high heat & high humidity here…we’ll have to wait a while before we can really enjoy it.

I’m envisioning eating breakfast while watching the sunrise, late afternoon reading sessions with gentle breezes & even sleeping outside on cool nights. Since we also bought the accompanying rain screen that wraps around 3 sides we’ll have our own little private space.

Eric sat out with me tonight for a bit.

The first words out of his mouth were,

‘Feels like home…guess that means we’ll be moving soon.’

[inside Army joke]

It never fails…by the time you get comfortable enough with your new station, it’s time to leave.

But for now we’ve got another 15 months.

[knock on wood]

Korea is called the Land of the Morning Calm. And there’s a saying here among the American rank, file & families…the Land of Not Quite Right.

That whole ‘close, but no cigar’ bit.

Trying to recreate the American experience, take the 4th of July for example, on foreign soil can never be quite right though.

It’s true. But it’s also true of any culture transplanted into another one.

Do you think your town could pull off an authentic German Ocktoberfest to impress a Berliner? Would you expect China to know how to throw a rodeo that would make a cowboy proud? Or Egypt to replicate your grandmother’s banana pudding?…Shoot – do you think Virginia Tex-Mex restaurants taste anything like real Tex-Mex? Or that I could make kimchi so delicious that the Lumber Barons would beg for the recipe?

I’ll give you a hint – NO!

Oh, everyone could get close (in varying degrees) but it wouldn’t be quite right.

And that’s the only way to describe our 4th of July this year – not quite right.

Homesickness is a powerful thing. Whether you’re stationed in South Carolina missing Arizona, or in South Korea missing Texas. It comes in cycles (as I’ve said before) and it can be the worst during American holidays.

It’s worse because, believe it or not, you have built-in expectations of what the holiday should look like, feel like, smell & taste like. And yes, every American’s expectations are slightly different – but when you boil it all down, I would bet you they’re all the same.

But back to the story at hand…

It was hot. Sticky hot. There were sticky hot melting people as far as the eye could see.

And as the sun went down & the evening show was about to start it finally began to cool a bit…and then things began to drift a little “not quite right”.

From out of the blue – with no announcement whatsoever, in English or Hangul thank-you-very-much - the Korean orchestra began playing the American national anthem.

Military personnel & families popped up left & right as we were all caught off guard…hurrying to stand at attention or put their hand over their hearts. While the Koreans sitting through out the field & bleachers remained in their seats, whispering to one another, wondering if they should stand up, too. It was awkward…for everyone.

But that’s when it hit me.

I was standing up…and they were sitting down.

There was just something about standing up to be counted among the Americans when standing on foreign soil.

And in that act of standing up I felt an overwhelming flood of emotion.

Home. I wanted to be home. I wanted to be home right now & I was umpteen thousand miles away. And as all those thoughts raced through my head I realized two things: no one was singing (granted, the guys can’t while at attention) & that the lack of voices made it seem so much more hollow.

And a tear or two rolled down my cheek. I tried to quickly wipe it away, but nope…Eric caught me.

[damn]

So here’s a hint for the guys: Sometimes us girls just want to shed a tear without it being seen…without it being pointed out. It’s usually because we know our emotions are getting the best of us & we don’t want to be caught looking silly – crying over the odd thing here or there.

So if you catch us…ok, ok, if you catch me…do me a favor. Don’t make a big deal of it. Don’t ask me to explain why there are tears rolling down my face. Just move on. The explaining is only going to make me cry more.

So he & I went through the whole exchange:

Eric: ‘Are you crying?’

Jenn: ‘No’

Eric: ‘Yes, you’re crying’

Jenn: ‘Ok, I’m crying’

Eric: ‘But why are you crying?’

[damn it]

Jenn: ‘I’m just homesick.’

Thankfully the traditional Korean music & drummers began to play & I didn’t have to continue explaining. I’ve already showed you clips of both groups. They were really great & they gave me a chance to redirect my thoughts away from home.

Shortly afterwards the General got up to say a few words & announce that due to an expected inbound storm they were going to have to change the rest of the night’s line up.

The orchestra would play the 1812 Overture first, the fireworks would follow(really wish it could’ve been timed together, but oh well) & afterwards the orchestra would continue with the rest of their scheduled performance.

I held my breath…yes, I know it’s silly. I haven’t heard the overture live in several years & this was the moment…the moment I was going to commit to memory to stave off homesickness.

And as I closed my eyes the strings began to play.

…da dum da dahhh dah-dah….da dah dah da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dah dahhh dah dum…

[pictures of a neighborhood farm]

So back to the story of the gift.

I was getting what turned out to be a partial at-home-spa treatment for free!

I raced around cleaning the house of all the embarrassing left-out dishes, scattered dog toys & dining table junk. I didn’t want them walking in to see a messy house.

Which, off topic, why is it the house always get trashed over the weekend? During the week I’m on it, Baby. Sweeping, cleaning, dusting…I’m near fanatic about it. I have this vision that my tombstone is going to say ‘Here lies Jennifer. That girl could sweep.’

But by the time I got everything looking respectable they were at the door.

My friend, “Mary”, and the spa consultant?…spa expert?…spa practitioner?…I’m not exactly sure what her title is, but let’s call her “Kim”.

The first hurdle in our upcoming adventure was Moo.

One of Libby’s lasting legacieshas been to teach Moo to bark incessantly anytime someone’s at the door. Big…deep…booming…barks.

(The kind that make the Jehovah’s Witnesses think twice about ringing the doorbell.)

So I ordered Moo upstairs, welcomed them in, turned to get the baby gate to put up across the bottom of the stairs & in that split-second Moo started to make her way back down the steps.

In my haste to fuss at Mooch, get her to turn around & go back up, Kim ran into the bathroom to hide, crouching behind Mary who was her last line of defense against the monster living in our house.

I apologized profusely for the scare – Maggie hadn’t even made it halfway down the stairs. But it was enough to frighten her to death. Her’s was the typical Korean response…

“Oh! Oh! Oh!….[pointing]…Beeg dog!…Oh! Oh! Oh no!…[hand over gapping mouth]“

Lovely…hadn’t even got the girl into the living room yet. But things settled a bit & she proceeded to give me an initial consultation before working her magic bag of nickles.

Kim asked the questions in Hangul & Mary translated.

‘Where do you hurt?’….’How long has it hurt?’…’Do you have a lot of stress?’…on & on.

And as the questions were asked Kim began touching my shoulders, feeling my neck…trying to get an idea of how tense everything was. Which was immediately followed by a lively discussion in Hangul between Kim & Mary.

Apparently, I was in “bad shape”. So bad that my partial treatment became a full-on-body treatment. And before I knew it, I was stripped down to my panties, face down on the couch cushions laid out on the floor.

So you have to picture it – my big 5′7″ oversized Texas woman frame all spayed out surrounded by two little petite, perfectly proportionate delicate Korean women.

They began squirting the proprietary gel on my back & with hand-sized gadgets emitting an electrical pulse began systematically pushing the gel into my skin.

That would be the politically correct version.

The reality was that this little, petite Korean girl – all of 25 - might as well have had been pounding on my back with a bag of nickles.

It didn’t really hurt at first…but pound on something long enough & soon you’ll be hurting. I thought it would just be a quick 20, 30 minute rub-down. Afterall, I was getting this for free. But they kept going & kept going & kept going. And I started to worry a bit.

Eric wasn’t home yet – he had no idea I had people over, let alone I would be almost stark naked in the living room with two little Korean women rubbing me down with vibrating electrical devices. And before I knew it I heard…

“Ahh……hello, sexy wife.”

And for a moment, Eric thought he was the luckiest husband alive.

Eric’s time in the field came complete with first class accommodations & stimulating conversation between intellectual equals.

In fact, upon arrival at the flightline the Air Force Sargeant that accompanied them looked around & asked…

…in all seriousness…

“Where’s the shuttle bus?”

He’s obviously never hung out with the Army before. Otherwise he’d be unloading equipment & organizing all the gear with the rest of them.

You gotta hump it, boy! The Army carries their equipment.

A couple of days ago I told you about Eric’s Alert Drill to head out to the field.

Alert Drill: A telephone-tree phone system get everyone on the same page & on the same airfield, in this instance, on time & with 150 lbs of gear in tow.

The Field: Army slang for “let’s go camping & shoot stuff up”.

So being better prepared this time around, he loaded everything up & we headed to the hangar….at 0630.

Where they sat.

Then laid down.

For 5 hours before taking off.

They were flying to the field in style in Chinook’s.

*Note the ample leg room, scenic aerial view with plenty of overhead baggage space & lovely flight attendants.

(Not.)

Chinook’s are the big double-bladed transport helicopters that make a distinctive “whoop-whoop-whoop” sound when flying overhead.

Did I mention Eric was coming off the night shift & was on no sleep?…

(pretty sure I mentioned grumpy bear in there somewhere…ahh look, there’s my bear now)

But did I mention Eric hates flying in helicopters?…

Oh sure…the boy can fix them like nobody’s business. But after several trips with no-holds-barred, free-styling helicopter pilots in Iraq…let’s just say he & his stomach prefer ground transportation.

But he arrived safe & sound to an undisclosed Korean location where they got to unload everything & wait around some more for further instructions.

And he was thoughtful enough to take some pictures for me to share with you. Plus a video or two…that I’ll share tomorrow.