One of the things about life in rural South Korea that you can count on is mosquitoes.

Especially when your backyard bumps right up against the rice paddies.

It makes trying to enjoy our rarity of a backyard near impossible.

I had hoped AAFES would ship in those little pop-up gazebos…and they did – at Osan.

[shocker]

But they were just the gazebo…no mosquito netting.

So here’s a suggestion for the AAFES employee that orders our outdoor furniture & equipment.

I realize that you may never have been to South Korea, that you may not be aware of the massive red welts we Americans get from the mosquitoes here – or that you might not realize that they can pass along a wealth of obscure Southeast Asian diseases to us…but it would be really nice (for future families) to be able to get the mosquito netting to go along with the gazebos.

So thus began the online hunt for a cheap, but not too cheap…functional, but not too ugly…portable, but sturdy screen house that had enough head room for Eric to get in…and oh yeah, could get shipped to an APO box by Priority Mail.

I found it online at WalMart – on sale & along with a promo for free shipping…we got a pretty good deal.

But since there’s another solid month of high heat & high humidity here…we’ll have to wait a while before we can really enjoy it.

I’m envisioning eating breakfast while watching the sunrise, late afternoon reading sessions with gentle breezes & even sleeping outside on cool nights. Since we also bought the accompanying rain screen that wraps around 3 sides we’ll have our own little private space.

Eric sat out with me tonight for a bit.

The first words out of his mouth were,

‘Feels like home…guess that means we’ll be moving soon.’

[inside Army joke]

It never fails…by the time you get comfortable enough with your new station, it’s time to leave.

But for now we’ve got another 15 months.

[knock on wood]

One of the things I’ve noted about life in Korea is that you can’t go anywhere without running into someone.

Perfect example.

A couple of weekends ago the neighbor & I said ‘So long, Suckers!’ to the hubbies and headed for Seoul.

We were bound & determined to have a estrogen-filled day of fun, frivolity, pampering & anything else we could think of to just feel normal again.

When we pulled into one of the lots in Yongsan, there he was.

Remember him?

Yep, mid-life crisis man.

You know, as I sit here typing this out I’m struck by the thought that I have no idea who this man really is. Is he a high-ranking officer or just another NCO grunt? No clue.

So in case he’s the former & somehow manages to find this post (knock wood), I hope he has a sense of humor & doesn’t revoke my ration card because I really like to go shopping at the Osan BX.

(Recently the Osasn AAFES-run BX has taken to questioning our ration card status.)

Ration Card: Yet another form of ID we get to carry around. It’s only purpose & legitimate use is at the commissary – to prevent black marketing, track which items are popular sellers & keep non-military personnel from raiding our already sparse shelves.

But does AAFES enforce the use or abuse of ration cards? No. Do they scan it at the check-out? No. It drives me nuts. It’s like going to WalMart & the greeter asking to see your car insurance.

Either let me in without it or start actually enforcing it.

Sorry about that rant. It’s just one of those ridiculous things that really gets me about life in Korea.

But irregardless, I would very much like to keep my ration card, thank you.

Exhibit A: Our scalped backyard

While not a barefoot bastion of St Augustine glory, it was at least green & all the bare spots were beginning to fill in.

I was happy because it meant less mud to be tracked in by the Mooch the next time it rained.

But our custodian had other plans this morning.

Actually, I think he got completely distracted or overcome by the 95% humidity while trying to weed-eat, yes weed-eat, our backyard at 0730 this morning.

I heard the noise. I knew he was out there. But did I look?

No.

I learned the hard way my first summer here that the custodian will come into the backyard at ungodly early hours. And when you’ve just woken, come downstairs in your hubby’s t-shirt & nothing else to throw open the curtains & face the day…let’s just say it can be a little embarrassing.

But look! He nearly took out the whole freakin’ yard. It’s all down to the dirt which will mean mud puddle city for Moo.

The kicker is that’s how he left it.

Yep – I think he finally looked up to see his handiwork & decided to get the hell out of Dodge.

I’m just hoping he doesn’t come back tomorrow to finish killing off our yard.

Eric took one look & said, “Hey – when did we get a relief map in our backyard?”

But the more I look at it, the more it looks like they’re putting a Putt-Putt in our backyard. We just need little flags & the spinning windmill.

Exhibit B: Our whacked-off fence line

Because having a backyard is a rarity around here, we’ve all been making the most of it: growing tomatoes, peppers, squash, pumpkins, etc.

And the running joke has been, “If it grows on my side of the fence, it’s mine.”

So I was really looking forward to the free pumpkin or two I was gonna get from Cynthia. ; )

The vine had already started making it’s way down my side of the fence with a couple of nice big blossoms.

But look at it! Chopped! Straddling the tops of the bushes.

Since then I’ve been considering international pumpkin theft, but seeing as how I’d be snatching it from an MP’s backyard…I better be a) very sneaky, b) very lucky or c) very stupid to attempt a great pumpkin heist.

MP – Military Police: That would be the very nice man with the very big gun that lives next door.

Exhibit C: Our beheaded apricot tree

One day a few weeks back I walked out into the yard to discover our lovely shade tree had been butchered for no apparent reason.

I didn’t ask them to do it. It wasn’t crowding any power lines. And it was great at obscuring the view of the screaming kids in the day care across the field.

There was no warning – no convening court to determine it’s fate…he just linched it in broad daylight.

[sigh]

Just when I was beginning to enjoy our backyard.

Yeah, I know I need to do something about the headaches but I’m not exactly sure what.

Trying to get home & get seen by a doctor or two there is a lot of money & a ton of logistics.

If I go outside the Army network I’ll be paying full price out of pocket. And trying to get seen by a different Army doc when I’m not stationed there…believe me, it’s a nightmare. Been there, done that.

I’m always told I have to go see my primary care doctor because they can’t even attempt to input me into their system.

Plus, I always jokingly-but-not-really-jokingly tell Eric if I was to go back home for a visit I’m not sure I could get back on that airplane when the time came to head back.

And maybe I’m just looking at things fatalistically, but really…what is any doctor going to do about 8 lesions in my head?

They won’t operate (which I don’t want anyway, knock-on-wood). They can’t prescribe any medication to make them go away. They can’t even figure out what it is I have in the first place.

It’s just a headache. It’s not debilitating – it’s just annoying as Hell.

But I promise to think on it some more.

Korea is called the Land of the Morning Calm. And there’s a saying here among the American rank, file & families…the Land of Not Quite Right.

That whole ‘close, but no cigar’ bit.

Trying to recreate the American experience, take the 4th of July for example, on foreign soil can never be quite right though.

It’s true. But it’s also true of any culture transplanted into another one.

Do you think your town could pull off an authentic German Ocktoberfest to impress a Berliner? Would you expect China to know how to throw a rodeo that would make a cowboy proud? Or Egypt to replicate your grandmother’s banana pudding?…Shoot – do you think Virginia Tex-Mex restaurants taste anything like real Tex-Mex? Or that I could make kimchi so delicious that the Lumber Barons would beg for the recipe?

I’ll give you a hint – NO!

Oh, everyone could get close (in varying degrees) but it wouldn’t be quite right.

And that’s the only way to describe our 4th of July this year – not quite right.

Homesickness is a powerful thing. Whether you’re stationed in South Carolina missing Arizona, or in South Korea missing Texas. It comes in cycles (as I’ve said before) and it can be the worst during American holidays.

It’s worse because, believe it or not, you have built-in expectations of what the holiday should look like, feel like, smell & taste like. And yes, every American’s expectations are slightly different – but when you boil it all down, I would bet you they’re all the same.

But back to the story at hand…

It was hot. Sticky hot. There were sticky hot melting people as far as the eye could see.

And as the sun went down & the evening show was about to start it finally began to cool a bit…and then things began to drift a little “not quite right”.

From out of the blue – with no announcement whatsoever, in English or Hangul thank-you-very-much - the Korean orchestra began playing the American national anthem.

Military personnel & families popped up left & right as we were all caught off guard…hurrying to stand at attention or put their hand over their hearts. While the Koreans sitting through out the field & bleachers remained in their seats, whispering to one another, wondering if they should stand up, too. It was awkward…for everyone.

But that’s when it hit me.

I was standing up…and they were sitting down.

There was just something about standing up to be counted among the Americans when standing on foreign soil.

And in that act of standing up I felt an overwhelming flood of emotion.

Home. I wanted to be home. I wanted to be home right now & I was umpteen thousand miles away. And as all those thoughts raced through my head I realized two things: no one was singing (granted, the guys can’t while at attention) & that the lack of voices made it seem so much more hollow.

And a tear or two rolled down my cheek. I tried to quickly wipe it away, but nope…Eric caught me.

[damn]

So here’s a hint for the guys: Sometimes us girls just want to shed a tear without it being seen…without it being pointed out. It’s usually because we know our emotions are getting the best of us & we don’t want to be caught looking silly – crying over the odd thing here or there.

So if you catch us…ok, ok, if you catch me…do me a favor. Don’t make a big deal of it. Don’t ask me to explain why there are tears rolling down my face. Just move on. The explaining is only going to make me cry more.

So he & I went through the whole exchange:

Eric: ‘Are you crying?’

Jenn: ‘No’

Eric: ‘Yes, you’re crying’

Jenn: ‘Ok, I’m crying’

Eric: ‘But why are you crying?’

[damn it]

Jenn: ‘I’m just homesick.’

Thankfully the traditional Korean music & drummers began to play & I didn’t have to continue explaining. I’ve already showed you clips of both groups. They were really great & they gave me a chance to redirect my thoughts away from home.

Shortly afterwards the General got up to say a few words & announce that due to an expected inbound storm they were going to have to change the rest of the night’s line up.

The orchestra would play the 1812 Overture first, the fireworks would follow(really wish it could’ve been timed together, but oh well) & afterwards the orchestra would continue with the rest of their scheduled performance.

I held my breath…yes, I know it’s silly. I haven’t heard the overture live in several years & this was the moment…the moment I was going to commit to memory to stave off homesickness.

And as I closed my eyes the strings began to play.

…da dum da dahhh dah-dah….da dah dah da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dah dahhh dah dum…

So to catch everyone up…in case you’re just now joining…I was sharing that I tend to be a little biased when I attend events – any events, big or small.

Just as a seamstress can spot a crooked hem, a police officer can point out security gaps, I see the background details of event management.

Don’t get me wrong, I was no big wig during my time then…just another grunt in the planning & executing background. But I got to watch & over the course of 2 years I learned a lot.

So as excited as I was to attend Freedom Fest this year (we missed the majority of it last year), I tried to adjust my expectations. But I couldn’t help it…I was excited.

The information put out by the base said that the Korean Ministry of National Defense Philharmonic Orchestra… (put that on a business card)…would be playing Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture – the quintessential American 4th of July experience.

Music…fireworks…food…it was gonna be great. A chance to finally feel…if even for just a moment…American again.

[sigh]

I’ve come to learn that the longer & longer you live overseas, the less & less you feel like an American. It can’t be helped. You’re living in a foreign country submerssed in a completely foreign culture.

You’re just so removed from everything familiar that you find yourself clinging to any chance to feel American again. And it’s normal. So for all you wives heading this way, just be prepared & know that you’re not alone.

But Tchaikovsky & fireworks!?!…It couldn’t get any better.

True…the program also included traditional Korean music & performances…but still.

I crossed my fingers that the orchestra had coordinated with the base to have cannon fire in the background to really help sell the overture, but I didn’t hold my breath. I figured that might be expecting too much.

I imagined closing my eyes when the music & fireworks were going full blast just so that I could picture myself at home. Transported by the sound of it all.

And I was going to set every detail, every sound, every boom to memory. It was going to sustain me when the homesickness cycle kicked in again.

That was the plan.

That was not, however, how it worked out.

My old boss had a saying…

‘THERE WILL BE WEATHER.’

It was his way of letting us know to expect things to turn on a dime should the skies open up, the heat melt everyone into puddles or high winds knock all our hard work down.

And in July…in Korea…weather means monsoon season…

Sticky, humid, melting, monsoon season.