[miss out on the fun?...go back & read part one first, then part two]

Congratulations, Super-Sleuth Cynthia!

Yes, Moo-Moo ate the remote control to the 42″ flat-screen Korean TV that came as a part of our apartment lease package.

And let me tell you, if you thought trying to figure out how to work a TV remote that’s labeled in Korean is hard, it’s nothing compared to figuring out how to go about  replacing it.

If it was an American TV, we would simply go on base & buy a universal remote control & be done with it.

But a mote for a Korean XCanvas TV?…The only English phrase on the whole thing?!

It will need numbers….got it.

It will need the channel up button & the down one….got it.

But will it need to speak Korean?

So we took a $20 gamble & bought a GE universal remote from the BX at Osan.

There were actually a couple of ones to choose from, but we settled on GE because it claimed to support over 300 TV models….and how many different TV makers can there be in the world?

We got it home, ripped up open the packaging & scanned the code list based on the maker name.

Fudge…no XCanvas.

But the instructions said if your model wasn’t listed to hit this combination of buttons & then press the channel up button up to 300 times until the channel actually changes on the TV.

Up to 300 times?!

Fudge. Eric just shook his head. But I had nothing to lose, so I started punching & counting away…

1…nope, 2…nope, 3…nope, 4…nope, 5…nope, 6…nope…

(Crap, this is going to take a while.)

7…nope, 8…nope, 9…nope, 10…nope, 11…no—

HEY, THE CHANNEL CHANGED! SUCCESS!!!

You’ve never seen a grown woman so happy.

Jumping up & down, fists raised in triumph and shouts of ‘whoo-hoo! take that, Baby!’

It’s the little things in life that make me happy.

Life Lesson #4: If you ever need to replace the remote control to a Korean TV, buy a GE universal remote.

[miss part one?]

…………………

[standing up from the table]

Ladies & Gentleman (that would be Eric – oh wait! Scott reads my blog, too!)…

[embarrassingly clearing throat - ahem]

Ladies & 2 Gentlemen, I give you Exhibit B!

[pacing up & down the jury box]

See here the destruction brought on by the defendant’s murderous rage.

The tearing of the flesh; the broken & battered pieces – I tell you it was that dog there!

[pointing dramatically over there]

Ladies & 2 Gentlemen of the jury – don’t be taken in by the pleading eyes, the wrinkled face or her too-big for the chair 120-pound butt!

She knooooowwwwwssss what she’s done.

[my best Southern lawyer's charismatic tone - head shaking with finger pointed to the sky]

And now she’s hoping to con you all into thinking she’s innocent!

INNOCENT?! – HA! – INNOCENT, YOU SAY?!!

[voice raised in incredulation]

Ladies & 2 Gentlement of the jury – do you not remember the abject horror you felt when you looked at the grizzly photograph of Exhibit A?

[whipping out photo for dramatic flair]

[children cry, women gasp & the men close their eyes]

Here it is! Look at it! Look at it!

[walking up & down the jury box]

Guts mangled & torn from their body! The ripping! The tearing!

All because that dog couldn’t control her wanton lust for the exposed flesh of a thing with such Korean beauty, grace & intelligent design.

[howling erupts in the courtroom]

“No! No! No!….It wasn’t me! It wasn’t me! Daddy, tell them! I’m innocent, I’m innocent!”

[denial leads to bargaining]

“Please don’t sentence me to death! I promise – I promise I’ll be good from here on out! I’ll give up peanut butter potty treats! I’ll go to DTA* – I’ll do the steps! I’ll walk the straight & narrow – donate all my toys to worthy causes!”

(*Dog Treats Anonymous)

[banging gable]

Quiet in the court! Quiet in the court!

[the room darkens as the credits start to roll]

(to be continued…)

What was it?

Scott, Juror 1: Nope, not a picture frame

Granny, Juror 2: Nope, not jewelry

Terri, Juror 3:  Does anybody even use rabbit ears anymore? By the way, Happy Belated Birthday!

Lisa, Juror 4:Nope, no nick-knack paddy-whack give a dog a bone bricker-brack.

Any other takers?

[keep reading]

[Duh, da-da-dah!!!]

Maggie Moo Mystery Theater!

Episode One: Maggie Moo & the Midnight Morsels

[dimming light, dramatic music]

Scene One: 2 months ago

It was late at night. Eric & I were already in bed. He was blissfully sound asleep but I was startled awake by distant, haunting sounds.

crunch, crunch, crunch

It was coming from the other room. And it was getting louder!

crunch, crunCH, CRUNCH!

I looked over at Eric – not a flinch. My super-hero husband was out cold, leaving me to be the lone household defender.

CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH!

I looked over for Moo-Moo, but she was gone! And in my slumbering stupor I thought,

‘Oh my God! IT’S EATING MAGGIE!”

CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH!

What do I do?! What do I do?!

There’s no gun in the house & I lost my Louisville Slugger somewhere in the move from Texas to Virginia.

CRUNCH, CRUNCH…CRACK!

That did it – that sound made me summon all my courage & I raced out of the bed.

I made my way through the darkness of the bedroom, out the door & into the open upstairs area to find Maggie…

CRACK, CRACK….(cough-cough) HACK!

…with the remnant, miniscule bits and mangled plastic morsels scattered across the floor. As she quickly tried to swallow the evidence of her crime.

Can you guess what it was?

FOOTNOTE: No Erin, you are not allowed to guess or tell, since you already know what it was.

[keep reading]