[detail from the Buddhist temple at the Folk Village]

I’m here…I think.

This past week my headaches have come back. Always around early afternoon & lasting straight through to bedtime.

It’s made for a lot of boring days of not doing much. Add in the fact that Eric’s not home & without his smiling face and daily hi-jinks life around here seems to lose it’s color.

Can’t tell you when he left, where he went, what for or when he’ll be back…but I can tell you the pass he put in to come home for a couple of days for our anniversary was rejected.

We knew it might be a possibility…that’s life in the Army.

I’ll keep the reservation up at the Lodge in Yongsan – sitting alone in a hotel room with access to room service & some kind of American TV has got to be better than sitting at home alone watching Demi Soda commercials.

Sorry – inside joke. A Korean soft drink company, Demi Soda, has recently put out the most ridiculous ad campaign. So much so that I’ve been trying to catch it on video to share with you & have a giveaway.

Needless to say, Moo-Moo desperately misses her daddy. The first night she slept at the door, waiting for him to come home. Second night…the same thing. She perks up anytime she hears a car door outside – thinking it might be him.

You see, each time Eric comes home from work he goes through this whole routine with her – which includes a song that makes her dance. It’s the “Daddy’s Home” song. A made up tune – but it’s hysterical to see her jump & prance to it. And when he’s gone for more than just a work day the performance is definitely video-worthy. So I’ll be sure to record it for you.

For now though it’s off to bed.

What have you got going on this weekend?

[More pics from the Folk Village - get here late? Take a step back.]

So as I sat in bed last night summing up my day in my little yearly journal the first thing that came to mind was,

‘Why am I hamming & hawing around this subject? Why can’t I just come out & say what I want to say?…Why? What’s holding me back?’

Well, for one thing I’ve been too busy lately worrying about who may or may not be reading this blog. But I think this is vital information for a wife considering whether or not to join her husband on this side of the world.

So no more hamming & hawing. Here goes:

[ahem]

Sugarfoot, you REALLY need to think twice because there are sacrifices you’re going to have to make that you’re not even aware of yet. You need to sit & take stock of the in’s & out’s of your American life & really stop to consider if you have the emotional fortitude to go through with such a long tour so far away from home.

There. I said it.

The ‘Sugarfoot’ bit (you have to say it with a Texas accent – ‘shuggarfut’) was my often my mom’s endearment to me as I was growing up.

But I mean it. There will be things you’ll give up that you hadn’t even thought about.

For example:

• Odds are you won’t be able to get a job. 96 – 98% of the civilian jobs here are slated for Koreans. It’s part of the SOFA agreement between the US & Korea when the Army decided to pitch a tent & stay a while.
• You won’t be able to sell things like Pampered Chef, Avon, gift baskets or any other home based business here to try to make up for your lost income or just to have something to do. Against policy.
• You will only have one vehicle and 9 times out of 10 your husband will have it. If you want a second vehicle you’ll have to submit an exception to policy letter, justifying why you need a second vehicle & you may or may not get approved.
• Unless your husband has some rank, you’ll be living off-post for the majority, if not all, of your tour.
• AFN only plays certain TV shows or sports events. And when you live off base, the number of channels available to you goes from roughly 20 down to 5. (If I remember right.)
• And don’t be under the misguided belief that you’ll be able to watch your favorite shows when they replay them online. All that content is blocked due to licensing restrictions.

• You’ll have one American grocery store, one American home store to shop from.
• While some units work diligently to be family-friendly (as much as possible) scheduling training exercises & gunneries around events like Mother’s Day or Spring Break, other units do not. And it’s very possible your husband may be gone over Spring Break & the big family outing you were hoping for because he’s been gone so much / working so much won’t happen.
• There’s no 24-hour WalMart or Walgreen’s to race to in the middle of the night when you’re coughing your lungs out & are out of cough syrup.
• Everything…and I mean everything on post is closed up by 8 or 9pm.
• Forget drive-throughs. There’s only one – Burger King…and even they close up at 8pm…or is it 9?

• As in my case, you’ll have to push a button every time you want hot water. (Silly, yes…but a pain. You try hopping in the upstairs shower only to have to walk downstairs because you forgot to push the freakin’ button.)
• There is no hospital on base. Should you or your child need immediate urgent care, you’ll have to go to the local Dankook Hospital & ask for an English interpreter.
• Soldiers can get their dental appointment taken care of on base, but you & the kids will have to go to a local Korean dentist for any work.
• Threats will come down from above stating that they’re going to search your home to find something gone missing or to ensure you haven’t abused your apartment. (They can’t legally do it, obviously…but they still love to make the threat.)

• You may be asked to prove you are paying your off-post bills on time.
• You most likely will be downsizing your housing and you’ll most definitely be living in a high-rise apartment.
• Your utility bills will be atrocious. Your rent will fluctuate with the exchange rate.
• Some groceries are more expensive here because they have to fly them in. And the majority of produce & bread shipped in is already pushing it’s prime.
• The reality is this isn’t Germany. The base here has not had years & years of dealing with families. There’s a lot of infrastructure not yet in place. Granted, there will be. But it looks like that’s another 10 years out.

I could go on & on. And there’ll be things I remember later that I wish I would’ve added to this list. But this is not meant to be doom & gloom. This is the jolt of reality that you need to consider.

So take a tally of your average day. I mean it. Write down every little thing you do on an average day or even an average weekend – from the moment you get up, to the moment you go to bed.

Then take a really long, hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask, 

Can I really give up my comfortable American lifestyle? Can I handle giving it up?

When Eric asked if I would go to Korea with him…if I could do it, I said yes. But in the back of my mind I wondered if I really could. When friends asked the same question, the answer was always I don’ t think so.

I knew I was a TV junkie. I knew I’d have trouble finding clothes, finding shoes. I knew I placed a lot of my self-independence in having my own vehicle. Going where I wanted, when I wanted.

Had you asked me within the first 5 – 6 months here, I would’ve said I’m not sure I can keep doing this. I was going through continual culture shock, entirely depressed & homesick and definitely considered going back home….often.

But I can tell you that somewhere around my year mark, things changed for me. Was it that I had finally adjusted? Was it that I knew we were halfway done? Was it that I finally realized that I could live without all those American trappings? I don’t know. But something clicked.

I’m sharing all this with you because it doesn’t always click for everyone. It can be a lot of hard work to find the positive in what feels like a sea of negative. But yes, there are wives who come, stay a while & then decide they must go home (for various reasons) leaving the husband to serve out the rest of his tour. It happens.

There are even wives…too many wives, actually…who agree to come only to back out the day before their overseas flights.

You’re not alone in wondering whether or not you can do it. There’s no shame in admitting that you like your American life & don’t want to give it up – even as those around you exclaim ‘how exciting!’ And only you can know what’s best & right for you.

And a lot of how well you adjust here will be the choices you make – do you get involved with the FRG, do you find somewhere to volunteer, do become active in the various church groups – do you go see the on base counselor when things get rough. And if that’s not your thing, that’s ok. But you’ll need to find other ways to adapt to a new lifestyle.

You’ll need to redefine your independence.

[more pics from our trip to the Korean Folk Village]

There’s a running joke in our house. Every time we step out somewhere, Eric will ask…”Do you have your independent card?”

You see, before Eric & I met I was a career girl. I worked 12 years in transportation logistics & warehousing. I moved up the corporate ladder, traveled across the country, had my own apartment, my own things, my own truck, my own schedule & my own bills to prove it. I had friends in the same boat – all of us independent & able to do the things we wanted to do…given we had the funds & time for it, of course.

But when I married Eric one of the first things I had to do was get my military ID card. Proof that I had some rights & benefits as a military spouse under the Department of Defense umbrella.

The woman behind the desk asked for our papers, took my picture & smiled as she handed me the ID.

“Here’s your Dependent card!”

At which point I smiled right back & jokingly said, “Thank you – but I’m no one’s dependent. This is my IN-dependent Card.”

I knew better…any military wife dependent on her husband is in for a rude awakening the day he ships out somewhere – leaving her home alone to handle everything. Nope. A military wife needs to be independent. And if she isn’t when she starts she’ll either learn quick or watch her marriage go down in flames.

[personal opinion, yes...but one that I've seen ring true]

[chicken & rabbit coops with squash growing over the top]

So the phrase “dependent” which is used for everything around here to describe a spouse or children, can really drive me crazy sometimes. It’s the implication that we somehow are of lesser value. It also doesn’t help that there is a MAJORITY of things you cannot get accomplished as a military spouse without either your husband there, a copy of his ID card or a power of attorney in your hands. And once you arrive in Korea…add command sponsorship papers to that list.

And yes, I get it…those things are put in place to protect the soldiers. I’ve seen too many of them financially ruined by cheating spouses so I understand why those rules are in place. But it doesn’t help the faithful military wife left behind take care of things & can’t because she’s a “dependent”.

Anyway…that’s how the joke started. I have an independent card.

My point to this little back-story is that after living in Korea for over a year now, I’ve come to realize that my original definition of independence does not apply here & in order to keep my sanity I’m going to have to redefine it. Besides, someone really needs to inform the wives back home making the decision whether or not to come to Korea.

My intention is not to spout doom & gloom or sugar-coat everything into a diabetic stupor. No, my intention is to shoot from the hip & share some really personal experiences & the awareness I’ve gained from them.

Now I want to point out a couple of things before I proceed.

1) It’s hard to describe a particular lifestyle to someone who hasn’t lived it. I know that no matter how hard I try, I still won’t be able to accurately depict things. So bear with me. And…

2) It will be easy for those listening to write off a lot of what I’ll share because it just don’t seem to hold any real weight in the grand scheme of things. But I promise, they do.

My definition of independent included things like having a job, making my own money, paying my own bills, driving my own vehicle, going to the store when I needed to go to the store, shopping at different stores in order to get the best deals, rummaging through a used book store on a rainy afternoon, walking the mall when I was bored, choosing which movie out of the dozens playing that I wanted to go see, flying or driving home for the holidays, changing radio stations in the truck every few seconds to find a song I liked…hopping in the truck & driving anywhere just to see where it would take me.

Freedom. Independence. Unrestricted & easy movement from point A to point B to do all the piddly little things you just take for granted on a day-to-day basis.

And I need to stop there because suddenly I’ve lost the words I wanted to say. Oh, I’ll remember them tomorrow. It’s just for now it’s making my head hurt…to the point of pounding…& I really want to get the words just right.

Growing up in Texas horses were a common sight.

In Korea…they are incredibly rare. There’s only so much land here & the majority of it is either mountainous or low-lying rice fields.

But the Korean Folk Village we visited last week had horses.

Sweet things tied-up waiting to give rides to what turned out to be only American children & also used for an acrobatic show that we somehow missed.

But what struck me the most was two things, actually:

1) The minute I saw them I walked straight up to pet them…like a little kid, and

2) I wasn’t the only one.

While I didn’t get a shot of it (darn it) there were several soldiers from Eric’s unit that spent the majority of the day hanging out with the horses.

You could tell they were probably farm or ranch kids…missing home at the sight of those horses, just as I was.

But Korean horses are a little different from American horses.

Can you spot the difference?

Yep…they’re a little on the small side – but awful cute.

Full-grown horses the size of My Little Pony next to Eric.

Do you see the two little boys there off to the left?

That’s about as close as they’d get to the horses.

In fact, that’s about as close as every single Korean child or teenager we saw would get.

Girls squealed out of fear & boys jumped back when they saw me grab up some fallen ginkgo leaves & hand feed the horses.

It was the oddest thing. And it was like that with every animal there…chickens, rabbits, don’t get me started on the few Jindo’s they had pinned up…and even these two.

Mamma cow & baby cow.

Tied-up extremely tight together under a feed shelter.

Mamma Cow caught my attention as we walked past when she climbed into the feed trough.

They had already rummaged through the hay that was shoved in that little thing, so we stopped to pet them, pick up the hay they had knocked out & couldn’t reach and hand fed them as well.

More squeals could be heard behind us. Not a single Korean – man, woman or child would come within 15 feet of the cows.

But they were SO sweet!

Mamma Cow kept gently bumping my head every time I bent down as if to say,

“Oh thank you, thank you! We’ve been so hungry & bored all day!”

I’ve always wanted a cow. Did you know that?

Ever since I saw Anne of Green Gables I always romanticized the idea of having a Jersey cow of my own.

Yep…I love the idea of owning a cow. The reality of owning a cow?…

…well, that I’m not too sure of yet & one Moo Cow right now is enough for me.

So I mentioned to you yesterday that Eric & I went to the Korean Folk Village.

Without going into all the long, drawn-out details, I thought I would just share the pics.

If you’ve ever been to Colonial Williamsburg in Virginia, the Folk Village is very similar.

It’s a living history museum – meant to give you the impression you’ve stepped back in time to experience life in Korea.

The roughly 15 acres of property is sectioned up into different clusters – a glimpse of farmer life in central Korea, a glimpse of noblemen’s lives in northern Korea, the southern coast, etc.

There are artisans in vintage attire that make everything from farm implements to silk cloth.

The apothecary’s shop – where I drooled over the cabinets.

Views of ginger jars inside a nobleman’s home.

There were thatched roof homes of every style.

I took lots of pictures of the architecture…and all the intricate, faded designs.

A small river runs through the center of the park.

With a couple of different places you can cross – some more rugged than others.

We took a lot of road-less-traveled paths – the ones that required a lot of climbing.

But they took us to places like this little shrine tucked away in the stone face.

We even made it all the way up to the official Buddhist temple on site.

It’s an active temple with monks & nuns who seemed somewhat surprised that a couple of foreigners trekked all the way up there.

Ginkgo trees line the walkways.

We watched the traditional dance exhibit.

And were amazed to see the streamers still spinning perfectly as the dancers leapt in the air, spinning themselves.

The park began filling up with group after group of school kids around mid-day.

We even had a little boy stop dead in his tracks, look up at Eric – half laughing, half talking in Hangul as if to say,

“OMG! You’re the biggest American I’ve ever seen! You must be a giant!”