But I can tell you what I wasn’t thinking…

• I wasn’t thinking about how I have no way of relating to these women.
• I wasn’t thinking about how my pre-written intro would be passed along to the General only for him to hit point by point everything I had planned to say.
• I wasn’t thinking about how much pressure I put on myself only to inevitably suck completely when the time came around.
• I wasn’t thinking about how hard it is for me to accept constructive criticism.
• I wasn’t thinking about having to play referee & arbitrator to women who don’t get along.
• I wasn’t thinking about constantly having to say, “No, I don’t have any children.”
• I wasn’t thinking about over-hearing a participant’s negative feedback about me mentioned under her breath when I’m still in the middle of my freakin’ speech.
• I wasn’t thinking about how that would completely throw me off-guard for the rest of the day.
• I wasn’t thinking about how I have a horrible poker face.
• I wasn’t thinking about how I’m physically unable to force a smile when I’m not feeling it.
• I wasn’t thinking about how much effort I would have to put in, only to get so little in return.
• I wasn’t thinking about having to hand-hold another trainer who was panicking at the last second.
• I wasn’t thinking about how much I’d hate myself for doing this stupid thing in the first place.
• I wasn’t thinking about walking 10 minutes to & from the hotel to the classroom – dragging what might as well be 50 lbs. of crap every day.
• I wasn’t thinking about having to read my feedback forms minutes before I’m supposed to teach again first thing tomorrow morning.
• I wasn’t thinking about how hard I would fail & how much it would haunt me.

But most importantly, I wasn’t thinking about how working on such a positive project would lead me to feel so negative.