[low tide at Jebu Island]

Tomorrow I hop a bus to Seoul for more bloodwork.

The Neurologist finally called back this afternoon to let me know that the hold up was finding a lab…any lab…that could run the test for Scrub Typhus.

But all the stars have finally aligned & now it’s my turn to contribute to the never-ending “let’s-test-her-for-this” process.

For those of you just tuning in, I have ‘some-ting in my brain’.

I’ve known for two months now, but no answer as to what that ‘some-ting’ may be.

Like the boat I’ve been stuck out here in the middle of all this uncertain mud - waiting for the emotional tide of an official diagnosis to come in so that I can finally plot a course out of here.

But I’m stuck…I’ve been stuck.

Stuck in the mud & muck and yeah, sure…from time to time it’s easy to close my eyes & forget it’s there.

But it IS there.

Surrounding me. Surrounding every decision I make.

I can’t take one step out of this freakin’ boat without getting in it.

And this blood test tomorrow is another step towards an answer – an answer I’ve been waiting for.

So why do I feel so afraid?

[don't answer that]

I’m going to go close my eyes now.