This is Eric’s gear for the field…well, almost all of it anyway.

What you don’t see is the duffle bag on the floor & his A pack – already loaded up.

It’s all the typical gear:

• Bedroll & sleeping bag
• Ruck sack
• Camel back & 2 canteens
• His assault pack
• Cold weather shirt & pants
• Various ACU’s & PT’s
• and a nifty new pistol holster

ACU’s – Army Combat Uniforms: The clothes the little green men wear.

PT’s – Physical Training Uniforms: Long-sleeve work-out shirts & black jogging pants.

Over the years I’ve watched Eric pack 4 times…this is number 5.

It’s an innocuous task – one you & your hubby probably do without a second thought when leaving on business trips, holidays or family vacations.

For me, it’s a trigger.

Packing is a sign of leaving – a sign I’m on my own again.

“In the rear with the gear”…as the military saying goes.

The first time I watched him pack he was heading back to Iraq. The second - it was off to Virginia for 4 months of training. The third – he was heading cross country to Oklahoma while I stayed behind to sell our house. And the fourth?…The fourth time I put him on a plane bound for Korea – not knowing if I would see him again in 1 month or 1 year…turned out to be 5 months.

But this time is different. He’s only going to the field & he’ll be there anywhere from 2 – 3 weeks.

‘Going to the field’ : Another lovely bit of Army lingo that basically means they’re heading out to the backyard to camp out, shoot at things & blow stuff up. But the backyard’s not the backyard – it’s miles away to a deserted place where they can make a lot of noise.

I’ve never been able to watch him pack without tearing up.

Oh, I try to put on a brave face – suck it up & all that – think about how nice it will be to have some of my independent life back.

But he always catches me. And truth be told (although I may be forced to delete this later) sometimes I catch a tear in his eye, too.

So it was really surprising to me how emotionally draining it was to watch him pack this time around – rationally knowing he’s only going up the road a bit.

It’s the first time I didn’t cry…but my body sure felt like it was crying. Tired & heavy, it was a struggle to focus & stay awake.

But I did & we got him all packed-up – ready to be dropped off at 0530 at the hangar to convoy to the field.