[miss part one?]

…………………

[standing up from the table]

Ladies & Gentleman (that would be Eric – oh wait! Scott reads my blog, too!)…

[embarrassingly clearing throat - ahem]

Ladies & 2 Gentlemen, I give you Exhibit B!

[pacing up & down the jury box]

See here the destruction brought on by the defendant’s murderous rage.

The tearing of the flesh; the broken & battered pieces – I tell you it was that dog there!

[pointing dramatically over there]

Ladies & 2 Gentlemen of the jury – don’t be taken in by the pleading eyes, the wrinkled face or her too-big for the chair 120-pound butt!

She knooooowwwwwssss what she’s done.

[my best Southern lawyer's charismatic tone - head shaking with finger pointed to the sky]

And now she’s hoping to con you all into thinking she’s innocent!

INNOCENT?! – HA! – INNOCENT, YOU SAY?!!

[voice raised in incredulation]

Ladies & 2 Gentlement of the jury – do you not remember the abject horror you felt when you looked at the grizzly photograph of Exhibit A?

[whipping out photo for dramatic flair]

[children cry, women gasp & the men close their eyes]

Here it is! Look at it! Look at it!

[walking up & down the jury box]

Guts mangled & torn from their body! The ripping! The tearing!

All because that dog couldn’t control her wanton lust for the exposed flesh of a thing with such Korean beauty, grace & intelligent design.

[howling erupts in the courtroom]

“No! No! No!….It wasn’t me! It wasn’t me! Daddy, tell them! I’m innocent, I’m innocent!”

[denial leads to bargaining]

“Please don’t sentence me to death! I promise – I promise I’ll be good from here on out! I’ll give up peanut butter potty treats! I’ll go to DTA* – I’ll do the steps! I’ll walk the straight & narrow – donate all my toys to worthy causes!”

(*Dog Treats Anonymous)

[banging gable]

Quiet in the court! Quiet in the court!

[the room darkens as the credits start to roll]

(to be continued…)

---

So let’s review! Maggie ate it, chewed it up & spit it all back out much to my utter dismay.

What was it?

Scott, Juror 1: Nope, not a picture frame

Granny, Juror 2: Nope, not jewelry

Terri, Juror 3:  Does anybody even use rabbit ears anymore? By the way, Happy Belated Birthday!

Lisa, Juror 4:Nope, no nick-knack paddy-whack give a dog a bone bricker-brack.

Any other takers?

[keep reading]