Attention – Attention – Can I have your attention, please?

Would the owner of the big-ass, over-sized, jacked-up, red mid-life-crisis pick-up truck please come to the podium & explain to the rest of us what you were thinking?

Really?…This is the vehicle you brought to South Korea?

Have you SEEN South Korea?

Koreans are tiny people. They live in tiny houses.

They drive tiny cars on tiny roads.

Really?…

So yes, while stumbling across this proud Ford owner today for a quick flash it was deja’ vu & I was home.

But it was only for a second & then I couldn’t help but shake my head at the ridiculousness of it.

To make matters worse, it’s a Texas Edition Ford.

[head hanging in embarrassment]

Please don’t equate this one man & his truck with all Texans. Not all of us need to…shall we say…”overcompensate” for our short-comings.

But there he is…with his truck fresh off the boat.

He’s probably been here all of 60 days.

 [channeling Marisa Tomei]

“Oh yeah, you blend.”

(Dare you to name that movie.)

So here’s my public service announcement for any & all military coming to Korea.

Leave your big-ass trucks & SUVs at home because the only place you’ll be able to drive them is on base…and even then you’ll be taking up two, highly valuable & quickly dwindling parking spaces. And try…please for the love of God try…NOT to look so much like an American…flaunting your fortunes in front of a very humble, but proud people who have never imagined such wealth & can’t fathom the needless extravagance. Not to mention the fact that you’ve just painted a big target on your back for anyone who feels like protesting America & their policies. Did you not pay attention during your SEDA briefing?

SEDA – Subversion & Espionage Directed towards the Army:All kinds of information provided to us by Military Intelligence that’s meant to keep us safe…especially when moving to a foreign country who’s technically still at war…Ahhh, hello?

[stepping off the soap box]

That’s all.

I just wanted to get that rant out.

Thanks for listening.