Last weekend we…and I say “we” to mean everyone at Camp Humphreys…were banned from going to the Osan Air Base until further notice.

And not just the base, but the ville just outside base, too.

No explanation. No reason why. No chance of finding out what’s really going on.

But then again, it’s the military – you’re never given a reason, you’re just told not to do it.

Hooah!

Hooah: An Army shout of confirmation used to convey all sorts of obvious & not-so-obvious replies. Pronounced in the gutural ’hoowahh’. (We’re not the Marines, we don’t say “Ooh-Rah”.)

So no shopping for groceries at their larger commissary, no shopping for the clothes & make-up at their BX  that we don’t have at our PX, no going out to eat at the Chili’s they have on base, no buying more pig ears for Moo (we’re now officially out & I’m hiding all our shoes).

BX / PX: Base Exchange (for the Air Force), Post Exchange (for the Army). Micro-mini-malls for military families.

While Eric has had over 13 years to get accustomed to “not knowing” why he cannot do something – I, on the other hand, have not. I got all of 4 years in.

And after a while, the not knowing really starts to get to me.

So here are my top ten possible (ok, completely implausible) theories why we can’t go to Osan until further notice:

1. Maybe over their afternoon tea, the Army commander insulted the Air Force commander by belching the alphabet.
2. The Army commander’s son was probably dating the Air Force commander’s daughter & kept her out past base curfew. Yes, we have a curfew – did you know that?
3. The Army commander accidentally drove his golf cart over the Air Force commander’s big toe on the 8th hole & didn’t apologize.
4. Or maybe the commanders decided to have a watermelon seed spitting contest & the Army commander won by 50 feet.
5. Oooh! Maybe the Army commander’s wife parked in the Air Force commander’s wife’s parking space at the Osan commissary & a cat-fight ensued.
6. Hmm…The commanders fought over which base would be the first to show The Time-Traveler’s Wife at their theater.
7. I know – in a game of high-stakes poker, the Army commander walked away with a winning hand & the keys to Air Force Commander’s Jag.
8. It could be that the Army PX was the first to get XBox 360’s 2010 NFL Madden game & it sold out before the Air Force commander could get one.
9. Or maybe the Air Force commander is perfecting his top secret BBQ Rib recipe for the King of the Grill cook-out this Labor Day weekend.
10. No, I bet it was that the Air Force commander was booed at the last open-mic mystery-karaoke night.

All perfectly good explanations.