[outside the KATUSA Snack Bar on base]

I’ve had this post written in my head for weeks now. But every time I sit down to write it out, I get stuck. Something holds me back.

(It also doesn’t help that every time I think I’m finally ready…the dogs want in, or out as the case may be. Fudge it…hold on. Libby wants out.)

But tomorrow marks the 365th day I’ve been in Korea.

A solid year.

A year I wasn’t sure I could survive.

A year I didn’t want to spend here in the first place.

And that’s the truth of it…I didn’t want to come to Korea.

But our previous station had been a nightmare in more ways than I can count.

Eric’s mandated time as an Army Recruiter in Oklahoma was a nightmare I can’t even begin to describe & wouldn’t wish on anyone else. And by sweat, tears & near blood he finally got released early.

But being released early meant “needs of the Army”.

Needs of the Army: Another bit of lovely Army lingo. It means you go where they send you. No choice, no suggestions, no pulling strings. It’s a roll of the dice & you hope it doesn’t come up snake eyes.

Needs of the Army turned out to be Korea.

And I had no choice.

Well…ok, I take that back. At the time it didn’t feel like I had a choice. I was an Army wife. I went where the Army sent us.

The truth is that Eric could’ve done a year while I stayed with family. A year apart & we’d back together stationed in Texas.

But I had made a promise. I promised the day we married that I would “go where you go” & that promise out-weighed any misgivings I had about Korea.

Of course it didn’t help that it took 5 months to get our command sponsorship approved so I could join him. And it didn’t help that there was no information from the wives’ perspective on what to bring, what it’s like, what to expect.

I came over blind.

I fought & struggled to survive the first 3 – 6 months. I was a ”wife in a box” & I was very resentful.

Over time the struggle lessened. Days came when I felt at ease…almost at home. And days came when I cried myself to sleep desperately wanting to go back home.

So I’ll tell you a secret…since I’m confessing everything here anyway…choosing to be an Army wife is choosing to give up control over your own life.

And it sucks.

I was a career woman very much accustomed to plotting my own course. And as an Army wife you have no hand in anything.

So you begin to crave control.

(Well, I did anyway.)

And when you can’t control any of the big stuff, you cling to the little things you can control.

And for me…it was the KATUSA Snack Bar.

KATUSA Snack Bar:(cah-too-sah) A Korean restaurant on base for the Korean soldiers serving their time with the US Army to go & eat local food.

Yep…how ridiculous is that?

I flat-out refused to go. I didn’t care how much Eric wanted to. I didn’t care how much he’d say I’d love it. I wasn’t going & you couldn’t make me.

It was the one thing I didn’t want to give up.

I had given up family, friends, my career, my truck, my Tex-Mex, my independence, and now my country…all for love.

But damn it, something of me had to remain. There had to be something that I controlled.

So I refused to go to the snack bar.

354 days later…I went.

And I loved it.

(Ok, so maybe not the Kimchi. Still haven’t acquired a taste for it.)

Coming to Korea was hard. Staying in Korea was harder…at first.

But I feel more at ease now, more relaxed. As of tomorrow I’ve officially spent a year here. I know what to expect and I’ve already helped a couple of wives make the crossing as well.

(Turns out when you Google “life at camp humphreys” the blog comes up.)

So if you’re a wife looking to know more about life in Korea, shoot me an email. I’d be glad to cut through the Army propaganda & answer any questions you may have in order to make your own decision.

But whatever you decide…the one thing I can tell you, is that I recommend the beef fried rice.