[More pics from the Folk Village - get here late? Take a step back.]

So as I sat in bed last night summing up my day in my little yearly journal the first thing that came to mind was,

‘Why am I hamming & hawing around this subject? Why can’t I just come out & say what I want to say?…Why? What’s holding me back?’

Well, for one thing I’ve been too busy lately worrying about who may or may not be reading this blog. But I think this is vital information for a wife considering whether or not to join her husband on this side of the world.

So no more hamming & hawing. Here goes:

[ahem]

Sugarfoot, you REALLY need to think twice because there are sacrifices you’re going to have to make that you’re not even aware of yet. You need to sit & take stock of the in’s & out’s of your American life & really stop to consider if you have the emotional fortitude to go through with such a long tour so far away from home.

There. I said it.

The ‘Sugarfoot’ bit (you have to say it with a Texas accent – ‘shuggarfut’) was my often my mom’s endearment to me as I was growing up.

But I mean it. There will be things you’ll give up that you hadn’t even thought about.

For example:

• Odds are you won’t be able to get a job. 96 – 98% of the civilian jobs here are slated for Koreans. It’s part of the SOFA agreement between the US & Korea when the Army decided to pitch a tent & stay a while.
• You won’t be able to sell things like Pampered Chef, Avon, gift baskets or any other home based business here to try to make up for your lost income or just to have something to do. Against policy.
• You will only have one vehicle and 9 times out of 10 your husband will have it. If you want a second vehicle you’ll have to submit an exception to policy letter, justifying why you need a second vehicle & you may or may not get approved.
• Unless your husband has some rank, you’ll be living off-post for the majority, if not all, of your tour.
• AFN only plays certain TV shows or sports events. And when you live off base, the number of channels available to you goes from roughly 20 down to 5. (If I remember right.)
• And don’t be under the misguided belief that you’ll be able to watch your favorite shows when they replay them online. All that content is blocked due to licensing restrictions.

• You’ll have one American grocery store, one American home store to shop from.
• While some units work diligently to be family-friendly (as much as possible) scheduling training exercises & gunneries around events like Mother’s Day or Spring Break, other units do not. And it’s very possible your husband may be gone over Spring Break & the big family outing you were hoping for because he’s been gone so much / working so much won’t happen.
• There’s no 24-hour WalMart or Walgreen’s to race to in the middle of the night when you’re coughing your lungs out & are out of cough syrup.
• Everything…and I mean everything on post is closed up by 8 or 9pm.
• Forget drive-throughs. There’s only one – Burger King…and even they close up at 8pm…or is it 9?

• As in my case, you’ll have to push a button every time you want hot water. (Silly, yes…but a pain. You try hopping in the upstairs shower only to have to walk downstairs because you forgot to push the freakin’ button.)
• There is no hospital on base. Should you or your child need immediate urgent care, you’ll have to go to the local Dankook Hospital & ask for an English interpreter.
• Soldiers can get their dental appointment taken care of on base, but you & the kids will have to go to a local Korean dentist for any work.
• Threats will come down from above stating that they’re going to search your home to find something gone missing or to ensure you haven’t abused your apartment. (They can’t legally do it, obviously…but they still love to make the threat.)

• You may be asked to prove you are paying your off-post bills on time.
• You most likely will be downsizing your housing and you’ll most definitely be living in a high-rise apartment.
• Your utility bills will be atrocious. Your rent will fluctuate with the exchange rate.
• Some groceries are more expensive here because they have to fly them in. And the majority of produce & bread shipped in is already pushing it’s prime.
• The reality is this isn’t Germany. The base here has not had years & years of dealing with families. There’s a lot of infrastructure not yet in place. Granted, there will be. But it looks like that’s another 10 years out.

I could go on & on. And there’ll be things I remember later that I wish I would’ve added to this list. But this is not meant to be doom & gloom. This is the jolt of reality that you need to consider.

So take a tally of your average day. I mean it. Write down every little thing you do on an average day or even an average weekend – from the moment you get up, to the moment you go to bed.

Then take a really long, hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask, 

Can I really give up my comfortable American lifestyle? Can I handle giving it up?

When Eric asked if I would go to Korea with him…if I could do it, I said yes. But in the back of my mind I wondered if I really could. When friends asked the same question, the answer was always I don’ t think so.

I knew I was a TV junkie. I knew I’d have trouble finding clothes, finding shoes. I knew I placed a lot of my self-independence in having my own vehicle. Going where I wanted, when I wanted.

Had you asked me within the first 5 – 6 months here, I would’ve said I’m not sure I can keep doing this. I was going through continual culture shock, entirely depressed & homesick and definitely considered going back home….often.

But I can tell you that somewhere around my year mark, things changed for me. Was it that I had finally adjusted? Was it that I knew we were halfway done? Was it that I finally realized that I could live without all those American trappings? I don’t know. But something clicked.

I’m sharing all this with you because it doesn’t always click for everyone. It can be a lot of hard work to find the positive in what feels like a sea of negative. But yes, there are wives who come, stay a while & then decide they must go home (for various reasons) leaving the husband to serve out the rest of his tour. It happens.

There are even wives…too many wives, actually…who agree to come only to back out the day before their overseas flights.

You’re not alone in wondering whether or not you can do it. There’s no shame in admitting that you like your American life & don’t want to give it up – even as those around you exclaim ‘how exciting!’ And only you can know what’s best & right for you.

And a lot of how well you adjust here will be the choices you make – do you get involved with the FRG, do you find somewhere to volunteer, do become active in the various church groups – do you go see the on base counselor when things get rough. And if that’s not your thing, that’s ok. But you’ll need to find other ways to adapt to a new lifestyle.

You’ll need to redefine your independence.