[more pics from our trip to the Korean Folk Village]

There’s a running joke in our house. Every time we step out somewhere, Eric will ask…”Do you have your independent card?”

You see, before Eric & I met I was a career girl. I worked 12 years in transportation logistics & warehousing. I moved up the corporate ladder, traveled across the country, had my own apartment, my own things, my own truck, my own schedule & my own bills to prove it. I had friends in the same boat – all of us independent & able to do the things we wanted to do…given we had the funds & time for it, of course.

But when I married Eric one of the first things I had to do was get my military ID card. Proof that I had some rights & benefits as a military spouse under the Department of Defense umbrella.

The woman behind the desk asked for our papers, took my picture & smiled as she handed me the ID.

“Here’s your Dependent card!”

At which point I smiled right back & jokingly said, “Thank you – but I’m no one’s dependent. This is my IN-dependent Card.”

I knew better…any military wife dependent on her husband is in for a rude awakening the day he ships out somewhere – leaving her home alone to handle everything. Nope. A military wife needs to be independent. And if she isn’t when she starts she’ll either learn quick or watch her marriage go down in flames.

[personal opinion, yes...but one that I've seen ring true]

[chicken & rabbit coops with squash growing over the top]

So the phrase “dependent” which is used for everything around here to describe a spouse or children, can really drive me crazy sometimes. It’s the implication that we somehow are of lesser value. It also doesn’t help that there is a MAJORITY of things you cannot get accomplished as a military spouse without either your husband there, a copy of his ID card or a power of attorney in your hands. And once you arrive in Korea…add command sponsorship papers to that list.

And yes, I get it…those things are put in place to protect the soldiers. I’ve seen too many of them financially ruined by cheating spouses so I understand why those rules are in place. But it doesn’t help the faithful military wife left behind take care of things & can’t because she’s a “dependent”.

Anyway…that’s how the joke started. I have an independent card.

My point to this little back-story is that after living in Korea for over a year now, I’ve come to realize that my original definition of independence does not apply here & in order to keep my sanity I’m going to have to redefine it. Besides, someone really needs to inform the wives back home making the decision whether or not to come to Korea.

My intention is not to spout doom & gloom or sugar-coat everything into a diabetic stupor. No, my intention is to shoot from the hip & share some really personal experiences & the awareness I’ve gained from them.

Now I want to point out a couple of things before I proceed.

1) It’s hard to describe a particular lifestyle to someone who hasn’t lived it. I know that no matter how hard I try, I still won’t be able to accurately depict things. So bear with me. And…

2) It will be easy for those listening to write off a lot of what I’ll share because it just don’t seem to hold any real weight in the grand scheme of things. But I promise, they do.

My definition of independent included things like having a job, making my own money, paying my own bills, driving my own vehicle, going to the store when I needed to go to the store, shopping at different stores in order to get the best deals, rummaging through a used book store on a rainy afternoon, walking the mall when I was bored, choosing which movie out of the dozens playing that I wanted to go see, flying or driving home for the holidays, changing radio stations in the truck every few seconds to find a song I liked…hopping in the truck & driving anywhere just to see where it would take me.

Freedom. Independence. Unrestricted & easy movement from point A to point B to do all the piddly little things you just take for granted on a day-to-day basis.

And I need to stop there because suddenly I’ve lost the words I wanted to say. Oh, I’ll remember them tomorrow. It’s just for now it’s making my head hurt…to the point of pounding…& I really want to get the words just right.