May
13
2010
Although I may deny all this later

[outside the KATUSA Snack Bar on base]

I’ve had this post written in my head for weeks now. But every time I sit down to write it out, I get stuck. Something holds me back.

(It also doesn’t help that every time I think I’m finally ready…the dogs want in, or out as the case may be. Fudge it…hold on. Libby wants out.)

But tomorrow marks the 365th day I’ve been in Korea.

A solid year.

A year I wasn’t sure I could survive.

A year I didn’t want to spend here in the first place.

And that’s the truth of it…I didn’t want to come to Korea.

But our previous station had been a nightmare in more ways than I can count.

Eric’s mandated time as an Army Recruiter in Oklahoma was a nightmare I can’t even begin to describe & wouldn’t wish on anyone else. And by sweat, tears & near blood he finally got released early.

But being released early meant “needs of the Army”.

Needs of the Army: Another bit of lovely Army lingo. It means you go where they send you. No choice, no suggestions, no pulling strings. It’s a roll of the dice & you hope it doesn’t come up snake eyes.

Needs of the Army turned out to be Korea.

And I had no choice.

Well…ok, I take that back. At the time it didn’t feel like I had a choice. I was an Army wife. I went where the Army sent us.

The truth is that Eric could’ve done a year while I stayed with family. A year apart & we’d back together stationed in Texas.

But I had made a promise. I promised the day we married that I would “go where you go” & that promise out-weighed any misgivings I had about Korea.

Of course it didn’t help that it took 5 months to get our command sponsorship approved so I could join him. And it didn’t help that there was no information from the wives’ perspective on what to bring, what it’s like, what to expect.

I came over blind.

I fought & struggled to survive the first 3 – 6 months. I was a ”wife in a box” & I was very resentful.

Over time the struggle lessened. Days came when I felt at ease…almost at home. And days came when I cried myself to sleep desperately wanting to go back home.

So I’ll tell you a secret…since I’m confessing everything here anyway…choosing to be an Army wife is choosing to give up control over your own life.

And it sucks.

I was a career woman very much accustomed to plotting my own course. And as an Army wife you have no hand in anything.

So you begin to crave control.

(Well, I did anyway.)

And when you can’t control any of the big stuff, you cling to the little things you can control.

And for me…it was the KATUSA Snack Bar.

KATUSA Snack Bar:(cah-too-sah) A Korean restaurant on base for the Korean soldiers serving their time with the US Army to go & eat local food.

Yep…how ridiculous is that?

I flat-out refused to go. I didn’t care how much Eric wanted to. I didn’t care how much he’d say I’d love it. I wasn’t going & you couldn’t make me.

It was the one thing I didn’t want to give up.

I had given up family, friends, my career, my truck, my Tex-Mex, my independence, and now my country…all for love.

But damn it, something of me had to remain. There had to be something that I controlled.

So I refused to go to the snack bar.

354 days later…I went.

And I loved it.

(Ok, so maybe not the Kimchi. Still haven’t acquired a taste for it.)

Coming to Korea was hard. Staying in Korea was harder…at first.

But I feel more at ease now, more relaxed. As of tomorrow I’ve officially spent a year here. I know what to expect and I’ve already helped a couple of wives make the crossing as well.

(Turns out when you Google “life at camp humphreys” the blog comes up.)

So if you’re a wife looking to know more about life in Korea, shoot me an email. I’d be glad to cut through the Army propaganda & answer any questions you may have in order to make your own decision.

But whatever you decide…the one thing I can tell you, is that I recommend the beef fried rice.

May
12
2010
Nobody knows the trouble she's seen

Bored out of her mind with nothing to do.

She’d go bark at Kitten if she could, but she’s still very embarrassed about the whole ‘hiding-under-the-bed’ video expose’.

And she’s not too happy with me about it either.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for letting me get yesterday’s rant out.

Between the headaches that have been coming & going lately, the waiting for the test results to come back and the fact that I’ve almost been in Korea a year…let’s just say I’ve been a little “on edge” lately.

My Neurologist is PCS’ing at the end of June – heading off to Ft. Bragg. So if I can’t get a diagnosis before he leaves, then I’ll be starting all over again with his replacement.

But at least it’s a free second opinion.

Category: Libby Blue  One Comment
May
11
2010
Or why you should never blog on little to no sleep

[fruit tree fields on the way to Osan]

This past Friday was Military Spouse Appreciation Day.

And it came & went completely unnoticed by the Army, by the base & even by Eric’s unit.

Although I shouldn’t really complain…after all, we go unnoticed all the time.

But after a fairly rough year of sacrificing for the military, I must say I was disappointed.

Ok, bitterly disappointed.

I was going to let it go…just as every other military spouse did…until this morning.

This morning, the culmination of all that pent up frustration & bitter ire came to a head at 0440 (that’s 4:40am for you civies) by way of a phone call.

It was the First Sergeant – informing Eric of an Alert Drill.

Alert Drill: Just as firemen practice putting out fires, policemen practice taking down criminals, soldiers practice grabbing their gear & heading out the door at a moment’s notice…ready to “fight tonight”.

And as I was helping Eric gather up his gear & go, a dawning realization hit me.

“As an Army wife I have…”

And in my head came a flood of odd, random & downright painful things I’ve done.

So if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to take this time to recap it here – sort of a personal call to arms of the military spouse.

[ahem]

As an Army wife I have…

  • Been insulted.
  • Been praised.
  • Been misunderstood when I start talking in “Army Speak”.
  • Received thanks to pass along to my husband for his sacrifice.
  • Hauled 150 lbs of ruck sacks & duffle bags to the car at 0445 while my husband scrambled to get dressed.
  • Modeled 50 lbs of Kevlar so that my husband could correctly position ammo pouches & side armour plating.
  • Been a combatives test dummy for my husband to practice his Army hand-to-hand combat skills.
  • Been awakened numerous times by a phone calls at 0200 usually because some young soldier decided to get drunk & hit somebody.
  • Packed a 3 bedroom house BY MYSELF, loaded it (furniture & all) into a U-Haul trailer & single-handedly unloaded it all again into a storage unit within the span of 18 hours.
  • Unpacked that same 3 bedroom house & put everything back the way it was into the very SAME HOUSE the following weekend.
  • Missed birthdays, Thanksgivings & Christmases with friends & family at home.
  • Come to understand the inner workings of the Apache Longbow AH-D Attack Helicopter.
  • Washed countless loads of sweaty BDUs, DCUs, ACUs…and soon MPUs.
  • Stood at the airport gate & waved goodbye to my husband twice.
  • Been serenaded by a WWII vet in WalMart to the song ‘Soldier Boy’.
  • Helped my husband battle PTSD.
  • Listed & sold our first home by myself.
  • Driven across country 4 times.
  • Learned how to efficiently pack a 2003 Chrysler PT Cruiser to the gills.
  • Completely restocked my kitchen 3 times.
  • Moved 3 times in the span of two years.
  • Hoped a flight to Korea with a dog, a cat & two suitcases to my name.
  • …and contracted some obscure Southeast Asian disease while overseas.

While it’s not a complete list, it’s enough.

That’s enough, right?…Isn’t that enough to get some sort of nod by the folks who profess to be “Family Strong”?

And that’s only the list of a wife who’s been in 5 years now – a wife with no children to explain why Daddy isn’t home.

Don’t get me wrong – I love my husband & would do all that & more again…ahh, scratch that…will do that again (seeing as how we’ve got another 6 years in minimum).

I knowingly chose Army life – eyes wide open & with the understanding it would be a long haul for little respect, little pay & little time to be settled in any one place.

I married for love & took the trials of military life that would come with it.

I married a man who to this day opens my doors, pulls out my chairs & holds my hand.

But Eric got out the door with all his 150 lbs of gear & on time. The dogs finally settled back down & I crashed on the couch hoping to make up for lost sleep.

And as I slowly drifted away…I heard the door open.

It was Eric.

Home again.

No one had remembered to call him (since he is working the swing shift this week) to let him know that the Commander had changed his mind – only the guys on days needed to come in for the Alert.

So what odd, random or painful things have you had to do?

Doesn’t matter if you’re military or not…every wife has her own list.